“I always find myself making excuses for other people, instead of just accepting reality.”
I sat back and took a moment to take it all in; I was surrounded by six smiling and laughing faces. My stomach was full of tasty, homemade food. My voice was raspy from telling stories and my abs hurt from laughing … I was content. I felt safe. I felt comfortable. And none of these people felt like strangers, though by common definition, they were. The man to my right, James, leaned over to continue our conversation about our past attempts at relationships. I wasn’t shocked when he, as a psychotherapist, among many other things, gave me a nugget that is still ringing in my head as I write this blog. He said, “I always find myself making excuses for other people, instead of just accepting reality.”
I’ve had the luxury in my life of meeting some absolutely incredible human beings. I am truly grateful for this. My latest encounter was at this long rectangular, wooden dinner table surrounded by six people who were strangers at the beginning of the evening. I met two of them at a yoga class just two days prior, and now I’m having my mind blown by James, who is reminding me of my own personal shadow: Justifying the actions of other people at the expense of myself.
LIVING IN OUR OWN AUTHENTIC TRUTH
Why do we justify the actions of others when they can be downright toxic to our own well-being? Perhaps it’s because it’s hard to stand in our own authentic truth. That is not an easy task, and not for the faint of heart. It’s difficult to stand up for ourselves and say: “This is what I believe, and this person or thing is no longer serving me.” Saying that means we must let go of our attachments. When we stand up for ourselves, we have to face our demons, instead of sitting back and waiting for someone to speak up for us. I promise, your biggest demon isn’t under your bed, nor is it waiting in the night like a thief: It is you.
My biggest hurdle in life has been to step out of the weeds. But I have finally seen there is beauty once we step out of the weeds. I can find alignment with my heart, my mind and the divine. But, when the time comes to shine, I feel extremely uncomfortable. I always imagine a lioness, crouching down in the grass, blending with her surroundings — in the weeds. She always waits until the right time, when the rest of the pack is in position, and they have the strongest likelihood of making the kill. There is so much to be said about timing and preparing properly. But if the lioness never steps out of the weeds, she’ll only blend in with them, instead of capitalizing.
You may be wondering, what is this authentic truth I am to stand in? My favorite explanation of this comes from the book, “Evolutionary Love Relationships: Passion, Authenticity and Activism.” In it, co-author Chris Saade says, “each person’s authenticity is sacred. It is the wellspring of their greatest ability to love.” In a nutshell, your authentic truth is your greatest ability to love. That, above all else, you should hold sacred. And if someone or something gets in the way of that, you owe it to yourself to say, “this is no longer serving me.” You allow yourself freedom. Now when I say freedom, I don’t mean in terms of standing out in the middle of a desert, alone, with arms spread wide. I mean freedom of the self; freedom from the constructs and unhealthy attachments we have lived with since our childhood. Why do you feel you need that one person in your life to the point where you sacrifice your own worth, your own happiness?
“Surround yourself with the best people rather than always looking for the best in people.”
My best friend, Amanda, always tells me, “surround yourself with the best people rather than always looking for the best in people.” Amazing, right? Start going through. Start cleaning house if you have to. After all, it is your house. Who have you allowed to stay the night in your place of peace? Who have you allowed to stay the year? Start letting go of relationships that do not serve you, relationships you give and give to and expect the same in return. Step out of the weeds, speak your truth and allow yourself the freedom of self you deserve.
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